[0:00] No we invite the experience right we invite the experience we invite doctors and Healthcare professionals to be curious.
And we normalize how they’re feeling so it doesn’t mean it’s okay it just means that they’re not alone.

[0:18] And the good news is they can feel better right they can feel better they just need to learn how to understand this big huge.
Keeping whole in our education right we just big huge piece that’s missing and so we as a collective are here to help fill that hole.

[0:37] Paging dr. cook paging dr. cook dr. Turk you wanted in the o.r. dr. Koh.

[0:45] Music.

[1:07] Hello everyone and welcome to prescription for Success I’m dr. Randy cook your host for the podcast.
Which is a production of MD coaches providing leadership and Executive coaching for Physicians by physicians to overcome burnout.
Transition your career develop as a leader or whatever your goal might be.
Visit empty coaches on the web at my MD coaches.com because you’re not in this alone.

[1:39] Well today’s episode is set for release on Valentine’s Day.
That’s a day when we typically take the time to tell the special people in our lives just how much we care about them,
so with that in mind instead of our usual interview format we are offering a conversation featuring the entire MD coach’s team discussing the very important subject
of caring for ourselves so let’s join the team and see what we can learn.

[2:10] Music.

[2:17] I am Dale Waxman I’m a family physician and the executive coach I’m in Charlotte North Carolina and one of the areas that I most like working with in coaching are,
Physicians who are other Healthcare professionals who are disillusioned or feeling like they want something else in their life professionally,
hi and I’m Deb Roman I’m a family physician integrative family physician in Boise Idaho
and I’m also an executive position coach with MD coaches and I to really feel
like a focus for me is to work with Physicians and medical school students who are
looking for more fulfillment in their lives
I am Robin tiger I’m a radiologist and an executive coach with MD coaches and I’m here in Asheville North Carolina.

[3:10] And my passion and Specialty is Stress Management.
And I do that through education regarding managing one’s body through their physiology as well as mine management through life coaching.
So I think the question is for this Valentine’s Day episode has to do with.

[3:29] Self-love before we’re caring for others as I was thinking about this question I’ll be interested to hear with that
two of you are also thinking but I the first thing came up my mind is a difference between self care and self-love
and for self-care and thinking of the things that I do to nourish my body and my mind and self-love
what came up for me is self-compassion and that’s been sort of just recently been
studying that for myself through some mindfulness self-compassion mostly guided meditations but it’s really about acceptance self-acceptance I don’t know that I would go so far as to say self love as much as self-acceptance and when I’m starting to do a number on myself you know really
kind of realizing that I’m part of the human race in somebody else’s felt this way before as well so that’s that’s the first thing that comes up for me is this difference between self care and self-compassion what are your thoughts
yeah I think that’s a really important piece something that came up for me so again you know we’re kind of looking at this question of
Valentine’s Day and what does all this mean with something very similar this idea of this new Neuroscience behind the ways that the we respond to ourselves can affect our well-being.

[4:51] And one of the key ways that that can happen is with compassion
and so I too was thinking in that way like you know what are the things that I do that can really help to alleviate my own suffering in addition to the suffering of others and this piece of self-compassion is so interesting to me because
the science behind it now is really reflecting that when we practice compassion we actually enhance our well-being
you know by strengthening neural circuits and and it’s so that so interesting to me and it it’s really given me a different framework of a how do I look at
when I’m doing to care for myself because I look at that and think.
And then I’m also helping my body my physiology my perspective it’s all kind of related to each other yeah yeah I love that and
you know thinking about that though I have to say that I know there’s this two-way street right so we can be compassionate.
Which can help our bodies and then we can do things in our bodies to help us be more compassionate
so for me Riley first thing in the morning I can wake up feeling anxious and stressed
you known and even though I do this work I’m it’s not uncommon for me or from any other people to wake up feeling that way and it could be really hard
to bring in that self-compassion when you’re really disembodied.

[6:15] So one of the things I like to do first thing in the morning is actually to calm myself down you know Dale mentioned some meditation you know doing some type of meditation giving myself time
which is a form of self-love right giving yourself that space moving my body even if it’s working out or doing yoga or whatever
I’m really coming back into my body and then being able to work with that compassion I have found to be really helpful because sometimes we’ve got too much going on in our brain.

[6:46] To draw into that and we can be compassionate with ourselves first with our bodies remaining then first thing in the morning
and then I can feel really spacious and open and okay it can be really kind to myself be really really kind to myself when I’m feeling like I’m out of my
crazy busy mind and back into my body so I like to think of that two-way street is happening at all times because some people might be listening saying ah I don’t know how to be compassionate to myself sometimes we need to calm ourselves down first to
create that space,
for that compassion yeah at least for me is also suggest some self talk about in creating that space because when I wake up,
also some it’s so much anxious it’s mostly okay what do I have to do today and it’s sort of that’s what’s on my mind rather that and then that can create anxiety depending on what it is that I have to do that
but I think this that for me this the key piece of this self-compassion.

[7:46] Is this self talk that for lack of a better term for lack of better language its I’m okay the way that I am and the way it is is the way that it is,
this is the mind doing with the Mind does and I’m okay the way that I am and once I can sort of
watch that those are my thoughts that I wake up with every day and then have some awareness that that’s just the way my mind works
that doesn’t doesn’t say something about me as a person or me as a professional it just the way that it is that’s the entry to that self-compassion
so I Robin great Point people are listening to this area going to be saying so how do you do that how do you do the self-compassion piece I think
at least the beginning of it is awareness that this is what’s going on just like you beautifully described I wake up anxious you’re aware of that anxiety rather than just acting on it,
one of the practices
that is really helped me that really speaks to what you’re both saying is it’s a model that was developed by a medical Anthropologist Joan Halifax and she actually developed this model to help people
develop compassion so cultivate the capacity for compassion but what she recognized as you were saying Robin is that.

[9:06] And also you doubt that there were components of that that we had to kind of walk through in order to get there
so she it’s a pneumonic grace216 so she starts with the idea that,
we need to gather our attention.

[9:24] So kind of like you know what you both are saying in the morning gather our attention into the moment and ground ourselves so two things for the g r is recall Our intention
and they’re such beautiful work around that but this idea of why are we doing what we’re doing even just today you know what do we want to do right now and the idea that that
you know that kind of Keeps Us in line with our values and gives us some energy to move forward a.

[9:56] Is attuned to yourself so as you were saying Robin you know how am I doing physically.
You know what are my emotions right now and you know what are my thoughts.
Kind of taking a taking a look at all that and then attune to others so.
I always think of it as when I can be aware of myself then I can lift my head to see what others are doing and be more aware that I’m not projecting
or that my biases are not coming into play as much and then C is consider what will serve.

[10:31] What will serve in that moment that feels like it’s in alignment with being present right then
and the values that I might have and then he’s is one of my favorite Parts is there’s four he’s you engage so you decide to do something you enact what you did but then you end
so you say to yourself you know maybe even with an out breath you acknowledge the end of that particular moment and that particular experience and then the last key is see what emerges
and it sounds like a lot of words and a lot of things but I use it
all the time you know if I’m called into a patient’s room and they’re very ill
if I had to rush in from somewhere else and you know I gather my attention and I ground myself and I remember why I’m doing it
my attune to myself and others consider what will serve and then
engage in end that for me it how you know the fact that she gave us a model helped me like this is something to think about but the reason I brought it up to is that.
It incorporates the things you’re saying like you know being aware that way Robin in the morning like what my body is doing and what my mind is doing and and Dale that kind of
awareness and attention to can I accept myself and my willing to do that and incorporates those different kinds of skills,
love that Tab and you know as doctors were really methodical.

[11:59] And we like to check boxes so you know having that acronym or that pneumonic or whatever is very you know resonates really really highly with me and I know a lot of people listening or probably going to feel the same way I,
love that piece about you know really what is your why.

[12:17] And really combining what you and L both said one of the things I do in the morning is I use words like dad was talking about you know.
Words are affirmation something that I read this amazing book and saw Ted Talk and one of the things you can say to yourself in the morning and you might think this is kind of corny but this is it.

[12:37] Good morning I love you,
and it’s so beautiful and it’s so simple but it’s so powerful and I actually know you can even try it with me can put a hand on your over your heart even on your abdomen and just say that to yourself in the morning even if it’s quietly
and really feel it good morning I love you and then I like to say,
you matter and what you do matters and that brings in that why
because we get so conditioned and so involved with so many other things that happen in our lives and we forget our y so in that acronym or pneumonic what you were talking about is
you know I like to talk to myself and even talk to my physician clients and say why did you fill out that medical school application for remember that,
why did you do that and how did you feel when you were accepted and how did you feel when you first got to put that white coat on.
How did you feel when you first got to really help another person and bringing that back because it’s still there it’s just covered up by little the loop those layers of conditioning so I like combining what you both said into that you know really
using words and coming back to your why I think that was a really powerful things they have been for me and so many doctors that I’ve worked with.

[13:59] And here’s Rick salinger’s thoughts on the subject.

[14:03] Hey everyone this is dr. z here for my MD coaches celebration of.
Valentine’s Day well my personal self care and self-help revolves around my mornings where I get up.
And I read two papers I do languages on a app called Duolingo.
I exercise a very brief 10 minutes stretching and exercise have my coffee.
And just feel good about the day I look out the window absorb the birds and really get into the experience of.
Of what I’ll do this day I have learned in the self-help standpoint that is the day goes on.
I tend to fade away as a lot of folks as they get older do.
So it takes a little bit of extra motivation to get myself going again.
But for me the early morning is the best from 5 a.m. to 9 a.m. is when.
Really get my my engine going and really feel excited about the day.

[15:15] And as you’ll hear from a lot of our other coaches and doctors that are involved with my MD coaches.
A lot of us have different experiences we made paint we may exercise we may meditate breathing.
Whatever it may be but for me it’s the early morning get your engine going kind of self-care.
When times are good of course I get out and do outdoor activities in the winter time it’s a little tougher but on this Valentine’s Day I would like to just.
Let you know.
That we here at my MD coaches wish you the happiest and best both for you and your partner or spouse is it may be.
To have a wonderful Valentine’s Day and a great 2022.
Thanks for listening dr. Z here for my MD coaches.com.
Hi I’m Rhonda Crow founder and CEO Forum D coaches here on RX for Success we interview a lot of great medical professionals on how they grew their careers how they overcame challenges.
And how they handle day-to-day work.

[16:28] I really hope you’re getting a lot of great information but if you’re looking for an answer to a specific problem management or Administration challenge.
Or if you’re feeling just a bit burnt out like maybe you chose the wrong career.
Well then there’s a faster way to get the help you need now it’s not counseling it’s coaching.
RX for success is produced by MD coaches a team of Physicians who have been where you are I know you’re used to going it alone but you don’t have to.
Get the support you need today visit us at my MD coaches.com to schedule your complimentary consultation.
Again that’s my MD coaches.com because you’re not in this alone.

[17:15] We’ll get back to our interview in just a moment but right now I want to tell you a little bit about physician Outlook.

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physician Outlook amplifies the voice of any physician who has something to say it also engages patients who still believe in physician-led,
team-based care and prescription for Success listeners can get 3 months free when you enter our promo code.
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[18:19] And now let’s get back to today’s interview I think we also need to give some voice to the fact that.

[18:28] The culture that we have all emerged from
does it really reinforced this very much you know we I know about the two of you but I didn’t get
much much of the way of messages about self-care is the road to being even more effective for your patience and not a lot of modeling for that either and really mostly what was modeled was sacrifice
is what’s important then you can people are still able to take care of and they look like they were they were taken care of people
in a biomedical wait maybe not in a very interpersonal nurturing kind of away so I mean I’m a late adopter of self-care.

[19:09] I didn’t really come to this I was critical of medical school I don’t know why it’s critical of it but I’m a late adopter to actually bring in some attention to noticing that when I do
involve myself in self care makes a difference and it’s we’ve all talked about this before it’s
it’s restorative it is rejuvenating and it allows me that energy to really put forward to the people that I work with and the patients and but I had to had to like
kind of experience that it’s you know for many years that
I did fine without it I mean you know at least neutral I don’t think it was great but it was at least somewhat neutral but also got used up in the process that they probably are listeners can can identify with that I think that’s such a great point I think Blake.

[19:59] Like we had a conversation about this recently that there’s kind of this double message
I think you had actually mentioned that Dale you know we get this message from our medical schools that we should take care of ourselves but as long as you get all of this done
you know and you know I often hear from the medical school students well when is that going to happen there’s not enough hours in the day for me to accomplish all those things in my goal is to
graduate medical school and I think that’s why some of the things that were talking about are so helpful because
some of them are very simple and don’t take a lot of time
that helped me to say you know like you said Robin that’s just such a lovely thing just sitting in the morning and telling yourself you love yourself just takes a few seconds and,
how do we how do we bring this message out more to her students and physicians in our community so that you know we can all
start to heal more especially at a time like this where so many people are struggling yo we invite the experience.
Hey we invite the experience we invite doctors and Healthcare professionals to be curious.
And we normalize how they’re feeling so it doesn’t mean it’s okay it just means that they’re not alone.

[21:22] And the good news is they can feel better right they can feel better they just need to learn how to understand this big huge
keeping whole in our education right we just big huge piece that’s missing and so we as a collective are here to help fill that hole and educate
so they can live their happiest lives
green so that they can find joy in every day independent of what’s happening around them that’s that so in addition to what’s been said already about sort of these self messaging and some
meditation what are some other very specific tangible ways that you,
involve yourself in self carrying that you’re able to weave into your busy lives then I’ll answer to but I want to hear from both of you first.

[22:09] What you know what has really helped me is being a participant and a facilitator and discussion groups so you know we have
meditation and mindfulness discussion group for Physicians and their families and we have an art of medicine discussion group for medical school students and we used to have
rediscovering meaning in your work group for Physicians but when the pandemic it we renamed it navigating a pandemic together
and I am more of an introvert so for me that’s a stretch of itself
is having all these different things that I do but what it does is it really keeps me focused on my well-being also IT addresses the fact that I’m not alone and you know we can talk about things that are
really very intimate,
you know our fears our feelings of being an imposter or our concerns about our families even all of the things in their lives that are important to us so it’s a regular time
for a meeting with colleagues or I’m meeting with students or I’m meeting with other families and we’re integrating some of these practices that were talking about but it’s also.

[23:24] The piece that I think is so nourishing to me as it’s the connection
even if we’re not talking about anything in particular there’s that connection that we continue to nourish and strengthen that for me is super healing what about you guys
yeah I mean I think lots of research is out there
talking about the sense of community and the importance of the sense of community that points of connection and togetherness I’m in our own Surgeon General wrote an entire book on it it’s so important thank you dr. Murthy this is an amazing book and I
you know the we can’t say enough about it and we’re in this Society were you know busy busy busy you know busy as almost romanticize like can you be even busier which is just.

[24:12] Really really damaging to all of us raised so can we take that time and we should take that time it doesn’t have to be could be minutes right and,
when we think that were so busy one thing that I have found really really helpful is to schedule these things in that nourish you,
for you to actually schedule them in are you schedule patients you schedule your doctor’s appointments you know you make other things in your calendar I actually schedule these things in,
I know which friends have certain times on certain days to talk to and I actually have it in my phone in my calendar it my Google Calendar it says you know call Stones though
we know that we’re talking even if it’s 45 minutes that happened today no I talked to my very close friend today same thing with your partner you know your partner your spouse or significant other
but your children whatever it is I actually put that in my schedule because if I don’t it doesn’t happen,
just doesn’t happen in a whole other day goes by and a whole other day of not being nourished so I wished want to encourage the busiest of people to even schedule the two minutes in anything that you can that will nourish you
that brings you that sense of community that sense of togetherness it works.

[25:28] Let’s hear what Desmond Bell has to say about this subject I think one of the most important.
Parts of any Physician’s prescription for success is caring for oneself.
We often hear that cliche that before you can take care of others you’ve got to take care of yourself well this really holds true especially in medicine.
Our demands are never ending it seems.

[25:59] So how do we maintain a balance that prevents us from becoming so wrapped up in our careers and.
The problems and tasks at hand each day.
That we can not lose sight of who we are at the end of the day this is certainly a challenge let’s face it were all high achievers.
We all work towards altruistic goals hopefully but.
In doing so it’s so easy to lose track of the things that really are most important.

[26:33] Trying to maintain some type of awareness or of self or to be cognizant of the situation is easier said than done.

[26:43] So looking back at my career there have been failures for sure.
I am not going to tell you that it’s been an easy task to maintain sanity at all times.

[26:57] But I want to tell you that it is possible and just to have some type of an outlet is really really important.

[27:04] When you don’t have this outlet that maybe your barometer to that things are not going the way that you should recently I’ve been through some life stresses.
That have involved a move from a physical location my home of many years.
To A Whole New City community and you know the stresses that one with not only trying to find a new house selling an old house.
Packing moving all these things it adds a lot of stress not to mention not knowing where anything is.
In doing so I found myself losing track of some of the things that I really enjoyed that I’ve done over the years to help maintain a better balance in my life you know some of this has been
sort of quiet time my little self meditation time where I say my prayers.
But also things that I do for fun I love to play my bass guitar haven’t played it for months.
I used to play a lot of men’s softball earlier in my career and we’ll talk about that but that’s long gone.
And then I recently passed a couple of years I started playing golf pretty much once a week with a group of other Physicians who.
Roll sort of winding down their careers as well and if and it’s such a great Outlet especially during covid to it was so important to be out and socializing and.
Having fun get some sunshine and fresh air.

[28:25] Since I moved to my new home I’ve played maybe twice and that’s in September of the of 20 21.
So I found myself being kind of miserable in all this I even said to my wife the other day so you know I feel like I’m turning into a grumpy old man and it was that self-awareness like.
Okay it’s time to get back to some of the things that helped along the way that made me you know a better person and made me better.
Better physician to you know it’s so easy again to get caught up in the day-to-day problem solving even if we’re really good about.
Setting limits or boundaries on when our day will end our work day begins or work Tans and things that happen in between.
You know a lot of times we say okay I’m only going to work to certain hour.
And you may be able to do that but that doesn’t mean that you don’t take your work home with you that doesn’t mean that you’re able to completely shut your brain off I’ve been guilty of that myself for many years that’s why I’m saying.
Trying to take time and looking back now over recent failures and seeing what needs to be readjusted or reset in my world.
I will tell you.

[29:37] It may not seem like a priority and it may not seem like it’s so important because it may indicate Leisure or not focusing on important tasks.
But taking time out for yourself is so so important it makes you better what you do makes you more fun to be around and makes you a better person and and really.
It’s also time that you’re not going to get back.
So if you have hobbies by all means don’t neglect them don’t put them to the side if you can help it at all and if you.
Find yourself in a situation where it’s been unavoidable.
By all means look forward to getting back into your old routine look forward to getting back into those things that brought you some joy in your life and brought you fun.

[30:23] If we stop playing you know when we’re kids were out playing all day long we play that’s what we do.
Our our playtime is social time it’s socialization we learn so many skills and doing this under the guise of having fun
so if you forget about that and you stop having fun you stop playing something’s going to give something’s going to suffer.
Like I mentioned earlier you know when we feel you know we’re not achieving something every single minute that that’s really misleading.
It’s just you know you’re going to probably find yourself if you’re not taking time out for yourself.
Probably to find yourself taking probably three to four times as long to accomplish the most basic tasks.
Then it normally would if you were feeling good or if you’re in a good State of Mind your well-balanced well-rested.
Looking forward to things these are my little tips or pearls for my prescription for success and like I said.

[31:25] I’m hardly perfect I am far from it I have so many flaws and so many things that I’m constantly working on.
But you don’t give up hope and you don’t quit you don’t think that it’s it’s a worth worthless Endeavor to try and.
You know better yourself.
Part of bettering yourself is making sure again that you do take time out for yourself I mentioned earlier back in my career when I was first starting out.
Life was pretty good I had started a practice and I was working all the time.

[31:58] And I ended up playing men’s softball I was something that I did for many many years prior to starting practice and while I was starting a family and beginning my practice I put that to the side.
One day one of my patients came in and we started talking about softball and how you had a team.

[32:14] And so I ended up joining and I played with these guys and I met so many friends and I had so much fun and doing so.

[32:21] But I also him you at one point to no matter what went on at work that day or what I had pressing what kind of crazy things were happening.

[32:29] For those two hours that I get out and play a game maybe two or three nights a week I got to be 12 years old again when I didn’t have a care in the world other than going to school and and studying and then looking forward to play time.
So
My point is that doing that type of activity at that point when I started doing that when I first like I said had begun my career and I found myself playing.
In this adult men softball you kind of a glorified beer league it really reinforced to me the importance of maintaining.
Some fun in your life and having a balance,
and again balance is really it’s a tricky word don’t know if we can ever really truly receive balance but.
Try and mix things up a little bit and I’m telling you you will not be disappointed.
If you don’t have time if you don’t think you have time for organized activities get out and walk you know the point is don’t make excuses.
Make it a priority and whatever you do when you’re taking care of yourself.
Make sure that you’re having fun because this is going to be passed on to your patients and most importantly to the people that you love in your life.
So that’s my prescription for success for today.
I’m empty coaches dr. Desmond L take care until next time remember that we see you we believe in you and we’re here for you.

[33:53] Music.

[33:58] Think that I’m taking away from our discussion here today is just that
gentle and firm reminder to ensure that we actually are intentional about scheduling in self-care activities even if there’s only a couple of minutes to do that
and that’s a way to be sure that it happens yeah absolutely you know what I think I’m taking away is
the value in having these kinds of conversations that so many of us are struggling with how do we integrate this and what does it look like and you know what does it even mean
and just to be able to have conversations with you guys and get your thoughts upon this,
and also recognize that we’re all kind of trying to navigate this just feels really nourishing to me in and of itself.

[34:52] You have this has been so insightful I really appreciate both of your sharing in this way
and I’ve learned so much from both of you and I can’t wait to learn even more continuing our conversations and focusing
compassion as a verb that was really
hmm thinking about that one and Grace I want to get all those points of Grace and I want to put it on a sticky note and just have it with me maybe even type it in my phone and really start to work through that because I really really love that a lot something cute everybody be well you too
you need to thanks so much.

[35:33] Thank you so much for listening with us today we hope you enjoyed our special Valentine’s Day episode.
If you think you might benefit from personal coaching or if you’re just coaching curious please visit our website at my MD coaches.com.

[35:51] Even better call us or email us for more information thanks as always to Ryan Jones who composed and performs our theme music for us.
That’s all we have for now so please be sure and fill your prescription for success with my next episode.

[36:08] Music.